11.16.06
A Liberal’s Pledge to Disheartened Conservatives~ from Michael Moore
November 14th, 2006
To My Conservative Brothers and Sisters:
I know you are dismayed and disheartened at the results of last week’s election. You’re worried that the country is heading toward a very bad place that you don’t want it to go. Your 12-year Republican Revolution has ended with so much yet to do, so many promises left unfulfilled. You are in a funk, and I understand.
Well, cheer up, my friends! Do not despair. I have good news for you. I, and the millions of other caring PEOPLE who are now in charge, along with our Democratic Congress, have a pledge we would like to make to you, i.e. a list of promises that we offer you because we value you as our fellow Americans. You deserve to know what we plan to do with our newfound power — and, to be specific, what we will do to you and for you.
Thus, here is our Liberal’s Pledge to Disheartened Conservatives. I, and my fellow signatories, hereby make these promises to you:
1. We will always respect you for your conservative beliefs. We will never, ever, call you "unpatriotic" simply because you disagree with us. In fact, we encourage you to dissent and disagree with us. That’s the American way and why we are different than other countries!!
2. We will let you marry whomever you want, even when some of us consider your behavior to be "different", "immoral", just a bad choice, or maybe because they are just plain ugly or have bad breath. Regardless of your choice, who you marry is none of our business. Love and be in love — it’s a wonderful gift to share.
3. We will not spend your grandchildren’s money on our personal whims or to enrich our friends. It’s your checkbook, too, and we will balance it for you.
4. When we soon bring our sons and daughters home from
5. But should a mass murderer ever kill 3,000 people on our soil, we will devote every single resource to tracking him down and bringing him to justice. Immediately. We will protect you; now and forever.
6. When we make
7. Even though you have opposed environmental regulation, when we clean up our air and water, we, the Democratic majority, will let you, too, breathe the cleaner air and drink the purer water. Numerous, recently endangered species and newly threatened animals will once again thrive as well.
8. We will never stick our nose in your bedroom or your womb. What you do there as consenting adults is your business. We will continue to count your age from the moment you were born, not the moment you were conceived. That’s what BIRTHDAYS are all about and why we celebrate them when we do, until the day we die!!
9. We will not take away your hunting guns. But if you REALLY REALLY need an automatic weapon or a handgun to kill a bird or a deer, then you really aren’t much of a hunter, are you? So maybe just perhaps, you should consider selecting another sport? We intend to make our streets and schools as free as we can from the OVERKILL of these automatic weapons and we will protect your children, just as we would protect ours.
10. When we raise the minimum wage, we will pay you — and your employees — that new wage, too. When women are finally paid what men make, we will pay conservative women that same wage.
11. We will respect your religious beliefs, even when you don’t put those beliefs into practice. In fact, we will actively seek to promote your most radical religious beliefs ("Blessed are the poor," "Blessed are the peacemakers," "Love your enemies," "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God," and "Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.") We will let people in other countries know that God doesn’t just bless
12. We will not tolerate politicians who are corrupt and who are bought and paid for by the rich. We will go after any elected leader who puts him or herself, ahead of the people. And we promise you that we will go after the corrupt politicians on our side FIRST. If we fail to do this, we need you to call us on it. Simply because we are in power does not give us the right to turn our heads the other way when our party goes astray. Please perform this important duty as the loyal opposition.
I promise all of the above to you because this is your country, too. You are every bit as American as we are. We are all in this together. We sink or swim as one. Thank you for your years of service to this country and for giving us the opportunity to see if we can make things a bit better for our 300 million fellow Americans — and for the rest of the world.
Signed,
Michael Moore
mmflint@aol.com
www.michaelmoore.com
P.S. Please feel free to pass this on.
